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The innkeeper's wife stuck her head out a window. "Could ye spare some victuals?" he asked. The woman glanced at his shabby clothes and obviously poor condition. "No!" she said rather sternly.

"Could I have a pint of ale?" "No!" she said again...........................]]> GuRu Mon, 08 Dec 2008 21:23:15 +0200 http://funelixir.com/funny-jokes/444-bronze-statue.html http://funelixir.com/funny-jokes/444-bronze-statue.html
"Twelve dollars for the rat, sir," says the shop owner, "and a thousand dollars more for the story behind it."

"You can keep the story, old man," he replies, "but I'll take the rat." ...................................

]]> GuRu Mon, 08 Sep 2008 23:42:02 +0300 http://funelixir.com/funny-jokes/435-cocktail-party.html http://funelixir.com/funny-jokes/435-cocktail-party.html approached by a man who asked advice on how to handle his ulcer.The doctor
mumbled some medical advice, then turned to the lawyer and asked, "How do you
handle the situation when you are asked for advice during a social
function?""Just send a bill for such advice" replied the lawyer.On the next
morning the doctor arrived at his surgery and issued the ulcer-stricken man a
$50 bill. That afternoon he received a $100 bill from the lawyer.]]> GuRu Sun, 13 Jul 2008 16:52:08 +0300 http://funelixir.com/funny-jokes/432-bill-of-rights.html http://funelixir.com/funny-jokes/432-bill-of-rights.html
"Your Honor," said Bob, "I objected because my distinguished colleague Bill was badgering the witness. It is obvious he has never heard of the Bill of Rights."

"Rubbish!" snapped Bill. "I happen to know them by heart."

Bob rolled his eyes in disbelief. "Do you now? Well, Bill, I have a hundred dollars that says you can't even tell me the first few words." .............................]]> GuRu Tue, 17 Jun 2008 04:25:56 +0300 http://funelixir.com/funny-jokes/425-accident.html http://funelixir.com/funny-jokes/425-accident.html
Although the insurance company doctor testified that his bones had healed properly and that he was fully capable of walking, the judge decided for the plaintiff and awarded him $500,000.

When he was wheeled into the insurance company office to collect his check, Miller was confronted by several executives.................]]> GuRu Wed, 07 May 2008 19:37:14 +0300 http://funelixir.com/funny-jokes/421-spanish-dining.html http://funelixir.com/funny-jokes/421-spanish-dining.html of the house. When his dinner arrives, he asks the waiter what it is.

"These, senor," replied the waiter in broken English, "are the arms of the
bull killed in the ring today." ....................]]> GuRu Fri, 25 Apr 2008 21:56:28 +0300 http://funelixir.com/funny-jokes/413-an-illinois-man-who-left.html http://funelixir.com/funny-jokes/413-an-illinois-man-who-left.html Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the
next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail.


Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her e-mail
address, he did his best to type it in from memory. .....................]]> GuRu Sun, 13 Apr 2008 18:41:25 +0300 http://funelixir.com/funny-jokes/407-impossible-to-please.html http://funelixir.com/funny-jokes/407-impossible-to-please.html
The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what's inside."

So they start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: "All the men on this floor are short and plain." The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor. ........................]]> GuRu Sat, 15 Mar 2008 11:50:22 +0200 http://funelixir.com/funny-jokes/399-a-really-bad-day.html http://funelixir.com/funny-jokes/399-a-really-bad-day.html
Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry." .......................

]]> Whitescreen Sat, 08 Mar 2008 12:19:58 +0200 http://funelixir.com/funny-jokes/392-the-popes-chauffeur.html http://funelixir.com/funny-jokes/392-the-popes-chauffeur.html
"Excuse me, Your Holiness," says the driver," Would you please take your seat so we can leave?"

"Well, to tell you the truth," says the Pope, "they never let me drive at the Vatican when I was a cardinal, and now that I'm Pope, I'd really like to drive today."

"I'm sorry, Your Holiness, but I cannot let you do that. I'd lose my job! And what if something should happen?" protests the driver, wishing he'd never gone to work that morning.............]]> GuRu Sat, 01 Mar 2008 13:21:09 +0200